Alien

I'm blessed to be with my family, period. That's the only thing that I am sure of. Other than that, my thoughts are running wild and out of control! I haven't had much time to be alone and ponder upon my thoughts since I'm home, so I shall make an effort today and hopefully understand my lost self better.

I feel out of place. Did I turn from a quiet kid into an autistic one? blah. I'm so content being with the only person who understands me that I'm tired to even try to socialize with people. I feel disconnected with the world, but yet part of me feels so alive being with the ones I love. I'm such a contradiction.

Religion is giving me an even harder time. I don't know who I am. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I should believe in. Sometimes, I feel like I should just stop trying to make sense of things and let it be. Maybe it's better that way. But in the process of letting go, I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like I'm wasting the days of my life. ah!

I'm looking forward to Europe! I'm in search of something. I have no idea what it is, but I'll know it when I find it. Perhaps it's just a need to get away from everything, to take a break and start anew, to find a place that I feel at ease, to appreciate life, to know myself better, to know God. Whatever it is, I'm looking forward to it. cause now, I feel completely lost.

like an alien on Earth.