Blind

Tell me humans are kind creatures and that the world is a beautiful place. I lost my rose-colored glasses and can't seem to see love floating in the air. I weep for what I see; for what the world has become and what has become of us. 

Stereotyping and racism are both despicable, yet almost everyone's susceptible to it. I frown upon both, yet I'm guilty of both. An unconscious act of differentiation embedded deep within me. Although I try to suppress, I still feel uncomfortable, or even afraid, around certain groups of people. Yet for what I love, I was willing to take a chance. I wanted to throw away all my prejudice, put differences aside, and try to connect with a different group of people based upon our commonality. I took the step, but was thrown back to square one. I'm so upset. I can't stand my ground and say no, because deep within me, I'm still dubious. I took a step, hoping to be proved otherwise. But I lost my chance. I want to tear down each and every label stuck on everyone's forehead and burn them into ashes. Why does color matter? Why should it matter? Life shouldn't revolve around hatred or fear, but love.

To Be

To be or not to be. That is the question.

Life has been so hectic that I haven’t had the time to engulf in quietness and reflect upon things. I miss doing that, so here I am, tapping away on my itouch. So, I’ve been reading and reading and reading a fair amount of journals. The more I read about autism, the more I feel I’m autistic, hah. Ok ok, I’m just letting my imagination run wild. But to a certain extent, we probably do have certain autistic features in us. Anyhow, I think I’m in the process of trying to get in terms with myself. Just when I thought I’m getting to know myself better after a month long trip, I got lost again. While trying to make sense of the whole situation, Shakespeare’s famous line—to be or not to be—popped up in my head. You know what? That’s exactly what needs to be done! To be! To be what your heart sings, to be what your soul screams! Throw away all boundaries and limitations, cause you deserve more than that! Just BE, and everything will fall into place. You’ll see :)

Anew

So! I've just started my new life, new job, and my new course! and so far, it has been cuh-ray-zee! I had a full day training course on my first day. Plus, there was a Psychology conference going on the upcoming weekend, so our Dean held a "welcome-foreign-speakers" party at his place. Caught a ride with my collegue to get in town right after school, socialized (which is exceptionally tiring for me), and yea, I crashed as soon as I got back to my cousin's place. Two full days again for the conference and, of course, more socializing. I feel exceptionally dumb around exceptionally smart people. Even on our ride back, conversations are still based upon "intellectual topics." Phew. I think it's an overload for my tiny little brain and I feel totally incompetent. But, in a good way (if that's even possible). Well, challenges push you forward, right? I'm ready for it! I really need to take on the mentality that there's nothing to lose. I shouldn't be holding back. I'm given such a great learning environment and well-educated peers, I really need to get into it. Ah... I'm exhausted after a long weekend, but so content :)